What Was And Never Should Have Been
by weatheredtome
Summary: What would happen if Shuichi and Yuki traded shoes?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER One: Reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation

Note: A labret pierce is a pierce that goes right underneath the lip, usually in the middle. It's really popular with emo kids and authentic rockers. I have one currently, it's in my user picture, just in case my description didn't make sense.

Also note, this story is probably really choppy because it consists of broken up chapters that I ATTEMPTED to meld together.

* * *

Hiroshi waited outside, anxious to see Shuichi. Had it really been three years since he last saw him? He saw a shadow in his peripheral vision of a man. He turned towards the figure and was shocked; it was Shuichi. But it didn't really look like him; he was as tall as Hiroshi was now. And His hair was longer, the same style for the most part but edgier. He had a labret pierce now, too. What really threw Hiroshi back was the way Shuichi dressed; darker clothing and jewelry… It looked weird to him, because Shuichi was always so bright and cheerful. Hiroshi thought Shuichi looked sexy now, but to him, he wasn't _his_ Shuichi anymore.

"Hey, Shuichi! How've you been?" Hiroshi hugged his friend.

Shuichi shrugged "Not much, I'm happy to finally be out of that shithole."

"Wanna get something to eat?" Hiroshi got onto his bike.

"Not really." Shuichi climbed on too. "We can hang out at the park for a while."

"K." they sped off.

They sat at their old bench "I really missed you, man. So did everyone else."

"I missed you guys too. What's been going on since I've been _locked up_?" Shuichi joked.

"Didn't you read the letters? Ayaka and I got engaged months ago. The wedding's in two and you're our best man."

He smiled "Congrats, Hiro. And I'm honored. I didn't get to read them because they wouldn't let me. No even from my parents, they wanted to eliminate any possibility of 'mental infection'. I have them in my bag though, I was gonna read 'em when I got to my apartment."

"Your apartment? –Oh, that's right. Your contract ran out a few months after you were admitted."

"Damn. Mom's house it is then, I guess." He neutrally shrugged.

"You can crash at our place 'till you find a new apartment." He couldn't help but offer. Plus if his mom had to see him, she'd take one look at him and send him straight back to the loony bin.

"Nah, that wouldn't be fair to Ayaka. It's not a big deal, it'll just be weird trying to have a full conversation with them. Especially my dad."

Hiroshi just nodded, he knew that since Shuichi hasn't seen his family in over three years, he'd think they probably have shunned him for the incident. His father was _very_ against homosexuality. He kept it all secret from them. His sister knew about him and Yuki but that was it. He didn't tell her when they broke up, or when he went out with another man just to get back at Yuki. -Tell Maiko? That would've been a bad idea. She would've accidently spilled the beans about everything. But all that trouble was for nothing, Hiroshi could tell that Shuichi knew that they knew everything. Even though he was too drugged up on morphine to even remembering being in the hospital, they had to have seen him, they had to have been told what happened.

"Do you wanna get a drink? I mean, we're sitting here like we've just been to a funeral."

Hiroshi laughed "You? Drink? When we used to drink you'd so drunk you'd pass out…And only after two drinks!"

Shuichi grinned, reminiscing with him "Yeah, well. I've built up a tolerance since then, bet now I could out drink ya'."

"Hahaha," Hiroshi stood up "sounds interesting, where to?"

Shuichi slung his backpack over his shoulder and smiled.

Hiroshi's motorcycle skid to a stop "…A bar? Since when've you been to a bar?"

"About a year and a half ago, the asylum would let me go out for an hour." He got off the bike.

"By yourself?" he cut the engine and followed Shuichi.

He opened the door "Nah, I had to be supervised by a staff member at all times. It sucked. I am kinda surprised they actually let me drink."

"Me too." He laughed as he took a seat at the bar.

The bar tender set two drinks down in front them "Hey, Shuichi," she winked "haven't seen you in here for a while."

"Yeah, well…I've been out of town. But I'm back now, so let the fun commence." He smirked.

The girl blushed "Really now? What'd you have in mind?"

"When's your break?"

A man from down the bar waved his arms in the air "Hey!!! BJs later, service NOW!!!"

She rolled her eyes and walked off to the 'cranky customer'.

Hiroshi blinked for a minute. "Were you… just flirting with a _girl_?"

"Yeah?" he raised an eyebrow.

"When did this happen?" he took a sip of his drink.

Shuichi shrugged, having to think about it for a minute "A while after I was admitted. I started with the chicks there, dude, they were CRAZY." He put extra emphasis on the last word, but as if it were a good thing.

Hiroshi smiled, shaking his head "What do you mean _started with_?"

"You saw that girl, right? I've had her and about three other girls that work here."

Hiroshi's mouth almost dropped wide open, he was almost speechless. It didn't really make sense to him that Shuichi had gotten more in two years than he'd ever gotten. Not that he'd actually complain about it, he loved Ayaka. But Hiroshi had always been the 'Mac daddy', so to speak. "But they work together, wouldn't that cause problems?"

Shuichi looked like he didn't care. He sounded like it too, "This one time I came in, two of the girls were working at the same time. They started fighting behind the counter, everybody in here cheered 'em on. It was hilarious, Hiro, you should've been here."

Hiroshi sipped on his drink, trying to keep himself from saying something that would make Shuichi mad.

The bartender ran back over, placing more drinks in front of them.

Hiroshi looked down at the new drink, he was only half way done with the one he had. He noticed Shuichi was looking at him daringly. He had his cup in downing' position, Hiroshi smiled "One, two, three, GO!" The 'stupendous' duo raced to finish they're drinks. Shuichi won and purposed a toast "Here's to one hell ova night." They both cheered with their new drinks.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER Two: When Enough is Enough

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation

Note: 500 (yen) is equivalent to $5.58 (American dollars).

* * *

_Eiri took Shuichi to quite possibly the worst place to take a boy; a pool hall. Shuichi tugged on his jacket and whispered, "Why did we have to come here?"_

"_Because," He exhaled smoke "One; I need a break from writing. Two; you are going to annoy me. And, three; this is the one place you can't hang all over me." He grabbed a cue stick._

"_I won't annoy you, I promise. Can we leave now?" Shuichi checked his surroundings, inspecting each large biker man and scantily clad woman "I don't like this place."_

"_Do I look like I care?" he dropped his jacket on a stool._

_Shuichi huffed and sat down. He flagged down the bartender._

"_Whatd'ya want?" he was big in every direction and balding._

"_Coke."_

"_¥500"_

"_For a soda?! Haven't you heard of encouraging people to drive sober?"_

"_Nope." The man glared, he was quickly losing his patience with the boy._

_Shuichi glared back "Fine." And threw the money on the counter._

_The man tossed a canned soda to him._

"_Man, what a rip." He jumped off the stool and walked over to Eiri "This place sucks, Yuki."_

_He sunk three balls at once "If you don't like it then go sit in the car." He motioned for the bartender._

"_Dude, good luck with that guy, Yuki; he's a jerk." Shuichi pouted._

_The man walked over with a glass and pitcher of beer "You brought this kid in here, Eiri?"_

_He looked at Shuichi "Nope."_

_Shuichi flailed his arms "That's not cool, you jerk! And I'm not a kid!!" _

_Eiri shook his head and turned around._

'_I'm just as adult as you.' He glared and grabbed Eiri's glass, taking a sip of it. He made a lemon-pucker face and spit it back into the cup._

_He turned back around just as Shuichi put the glass back in its' original spot. Eiri picked it put and drank it._

"_Um, Yuki…" he twiddled his fingers "I drank your drink."_

"_Idiot. Are you trying to get me kicked out? You're not old enough to drink."_

"_It was just a taste. Besides, it was disgusting. I spit it back in your cup." He nervously twiddled his fingers._

"_What?" he scrunched his face "You let me drink your deadly baby backwash?"_

"_Well… Yeah. Would you rather I spit it on the floor? Then you'd step in it."_

"_Yes. That way I could use your face to mop it up."_

"_You're mean." He murmured._

"_How many times are you going to say that before it sinks in?" he struck the cue ball and sunk three balls; the 3, 4, and 5._

_Shuichi watched him curiously, already forgetting about their most recent tiff "What are you playing?"_

"_9 ball." He grabbed Shuichi by the arm, pulling him close._

"_Hey, come on, Yuki. What're you tryin' to pull?" he blushed._

_Eiri put the cue stick in the boy's hand "Hold it like this." He adjusted Shuichi's hands, then placed his hand on Shuichi's hip, pressing his body against his own. _

_Shuichi blushed "Yuki! Stop it, this place doesn't look very gay-friendly." Some people were whispering and pointing, others looked grossed out._

"_What's wrong with that?" Eiri groped him and kissed his neck._

_He looked around, more people seemed to be offended now, tears formed at the corners of his eyes "Yuki, stop it-" he choked out._

_Eiri recoiled, noticing Shuichi seriously didn't like it._

_Shuichi wiped tears from his eyes, people seemed to be taking more notice of them "I wanna go home, Yuki!" he ran outside._

_Yuki sighed, taking his jacket and followed Shuichi outside. The boy was curled up by the car. "You could have waited inside."_

_Shuichi's arms were covering his face. "Its locked." He mumbled, tugging at the handle._

_Eiri unlocked the door with the car remote "It's not now." He draped his jacket over Shuichi's shoulders._

_He wrapped the jacket around himself like a blanket. He knew Eiri was trying to nice so he climbed into the car silently._

_Halfway through the ride home, Eiri turned off the radio. "Say something."_

"_Like what? You want me to tell you that you're always messing things up?" Shuichi sniffled._

"_I was having a ball. You're the one that flipped out."_

"_You're such a jerk! Didn't you see all those people staring in there?" he glared._

"_What's the matter with that? I thought it was a dream of yours to be intimate with me in a public vicinity." He smirked._

_Shuichi cried harder "Not with that kind of an audience! They looked like they wanted to pummel us!"_

"_Well, then you would have died doing what you believe in."_

"_Damn it, Yuki. I swear-just let me out." Shuichi opened the door._

_Eiri slammed on the brakes "What are you, retarded?!" Eiri yelled. It was the first time he'd ever raised his voice._

"_I'm sick of you!" for the first second, neither of them believed the words coming out of his mouth. "You're always mean to me and I'm not taking it anymore!"_

_Eiri didn't say anything._

"_Hope you're happy. You've finally got rid of me." Shuichi slammed the door. He took a deep breath and started walking down the street. It was cold outside; he was beginning to think that making a stand at that moment wasn't the brightest idea. He walked through the park where they had first met. "Damn, man." He sat down on a bench and picked up his phone._

_Hiroshi picked up "What's up?"_

"_Wanna hang out?"_

This whole chapter was of Shuichi dreaming, well, more like Shuichi remembering why he and Yuki broke up.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER Three: Heartless

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation

* * *

Shuichi woke up the next morning and his jaw was killing him. Ayaka had left an ice pack out for him, so he assumed either he had too much to drink last night or he'd gotten into a fight. He swiftly stood to his feet and lost his balance. He walked into the kitchen, but no one was in it. He sighed, taking a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. He leaned casually against the counter _'Man, that was the first time in a while I got so drunk I couldn't remember anything.'_ He thought to himself, catching a glance at himself in the reflection of his glass; a bruise was showing up his face starting from his jaw line to the mid of his cheek. He put the glass down and walked to Hiro's bedroom door.

"He's not the same Shuichi, Hiro. The doctor said he'd probably act that way, you really shouldn't have told him that." It was Ayaka, she sounded irritated.

"Come on, Ayaka. Seriously. Shuichi may be different, I mean, we've thrown punches at each other before. It's not a big deal. Besides, he's my best friend." Hiro's voice sounded muffled.

"Not a big deal? I swear, Hiro, you could've sent each other to the hospital. It wouldn't have taken much more."

Shuichi knocked on the door.

There was a long pause, and then Hiro finally answered; "Come in."

Shuichi opened the door "Sounds like I've over stayed my welcome."

"Then why are you still standing there?" Ayaka asked sternly, her arms were crossed.

Shuichi looked at Hiro, he'd beaten up pretty good, he noted to himself "I just went to town on you, didn't I, buddy?"

"Yeah, it was interesting-"

Ayaka huffed "I thought you said you were leaving."

Shuichi rolled his eyes "I wanted to know what happened." He looked back at Hiroshi "What did you say to me?"

Ayaka was about to interrupt again.

"Yuki." Was the only word he had to say.

Shuichi's jaw clenched tightly, he didn't care how badly it hurt. "That's not a sentence."

"I said; He sent you letters too. For the past couple years, he'd stop by occasionally to read the reports from the clinic…Reports showing your progress. He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry for what happened. He really misses you."

Shuichi's eyes narrowed like he'd been stabbed "Tell him I said 'go to hell'." He spun around on one foot and shot them a peace sign.

He heard Ayaka say, "No, no, you're staying here mister." to Hiro.

Shuichi walked by himself down the street _'I can't believe the asshole would even think of talking to me now._' His thoughts drifted, until he looked up and was walking right past his parent's home. He picked up his cell phone and dialed his sister's number "Hey, Maiko. Long time no see, sis."

"Oooh, my god! Shuichi! I missed you so much! Where are you?" her voice was ecstatic.

"In front of mom and dad's, you in?" he looked in the house, it didn't look like anyone was home.

She burst out laughing "Shuichi, I moved out over a year ago. I live off campus of my college. I'm not home right now though, I'm at work, you should come hang out with me."

"Sorry, I lost interest in strip clubs a lot time ago." He joked.

There was a long pause.

"Maiko, I was just kidding. Don't take me so seriously."

"Look, just take a right, then a left at the second stop light. Go straight down three more intersections and my jobs on the corner." She said in a monotone way.

"Whoa, I don't wanna watch you work corners either."

_Click_

"Damn, man," he said to himself. "And a third person I've pissed off today." He stuck his phone back into his pocket "No one has a sense of humor these days."

* * *

I donno, the idea of Shuichi being a jerk is kinda hot :o)~


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER Four: Artificial Healing

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation

Okay, yeah, this chapter probably sucks, it's a little mashed because I wanted to hurry up and finish it. All the later chapters are already finished. I know, I know, I'm getting too far ahead of myself, but I was bored with trying to write the earlier parts and figured I could get them to work somehow.

Oh, yeah, this is another one of Shuichi's memories.

* * *

"_Wanna talk about it?" Hiroshi handed Shuichi a jacket._

"_Thanks." He wrapped up in it. "Ugh, it smells girly."_

"_Yeah, Ayaka wore it today." He shrugged "What'd he dump you for this time?"_

"_Nothing." His tone was more or less melancholy._

_Hiroshi raised an eyebrow "What do you mean?"_

"_I dumped him." He sighed._

"_What?! Nu-uh! –Really?" Hiroshi's eyes looked like saucers._

"_We went to a bar earlier, and well… he got smooch with me and everyone there looked like they wanted to slaughter us. I told him to stop, he wouldn't listen."_

"_What happened?"_

"_We left and then we argued. I think it was all my fault." Shuichi balled his fists "No. It was his fault. He was the one who started it."_

_Hiroshi scratched his head, Shuichi wasn't making any sense, he thought his friend was sounding borderline bipolar "Come on, Shuichi. You're being silly. Just go apologize to him." He patted the boy's back._

_Shuichi childishly shook his head, tears threatening at his eyes again "No."_

"_Shuichi," Hiroshi hugged him tightly "you love him, right? I thought he was all you needed?"_

_He couldn't hold his emotions back anymore, tears spilled over his eyes "Oh, Hiro. What's wrong with me? I don't want to feel like we're over -but I don't want to keep doing this!"_

_Hiroshi kissed his forehead, he didn't know what else to do "I don't know, Shuichi. I really don't."_

_Shuichi woke up the next morning on Hiro's futon. His mouth was dry and he had a massive headache._

"_Good morning, sunshine!" Ayaka greeted him, placing his breakfast on the small coffee table._

"_Nnn, huh? Ayaka? You stayed the night here, too?" He took a sip from his cup._

"_Yeah, it was late when you and Hiroshi got back anyway. Plus I didn't really want to go home yet." She smiled._

_Shuichi winced "I'm so sorry I messed things up for you guys last night. I Didn't know-"_

"_Shuichi, it's okay. Besides, this way I get to stay with him longer…" she twiddled her fingers together "…Hiroshi told me about last night."_

_Shuichi's eyes watered "It's true. Yuki's all yours."_

"_No, no, no!" she raised her hands slightly "I just wanted to talk to you. -If that's okay."_

_Shuichi sighed "What's there to talk about?"_

_Ayaka rubbed his back "I mean, I thought you loved him? That nothing else mattered?"_

"_I do…I guess. But I've realized that I love him sometimes. Most of the time, he brings me nothing but misery. I don't deserve to feel like that, do I, Ayaka?"_

_She frowned "Of course not. No one truly deserves it."_

_He wiped away small tears, sniffling slightly "I feel like we weren't meant to be, ya know?"_

_She wiped tears away from her eyes "That's exactly how I felt about myself…" She hugged him "Honestly, I can't tell you. You're the only one that can know for sure."_

_Shuichi flashed a pained grin "That's exactly what I was thinking! You're the best ever, Ayaka."_

_Hiroshi walked out of his bedroom. He stopped and stared blankly at them for a few moments. "Does someone have cancer, or something?" He shrugged, that was the only thing he could think of to say to the bawling duo._

_They simultaneously wiped their noses "No."_

_Hiroshi cringed 'They are way too much alike.'_

_They all sat down at the ice cream parlor. Hiroshi wiped ice cream on Ayaka's nose. Shuichi turned his head._

"_I can wipe some cream on your face, if you want me to." Hiroshi jokingly winked._

_Shuichi smiled "Nah, dude, I've got enough of my own."_

"_You guys are so gross." Ayaka scrunched her nose._

"_It's just a joke." Hiroshi swung his arm around her._

_Shuichi smiled "You know what? I don't wanna brood anymore. Let's go do something fun."_

"_What's more fun that ice cream and hanging out with friends?" Hiroshi grinned._

"_The amusement park." Shuichi and Ayaka both jumped up._

_Hiroshi rolled his eyes and followed them._

"_What do you want to do first?" Hiroshi tucked his hands in his pockets._

"_Let's go on the carousel!" Ayaka jumped up and down._

_Shuichi glared "No, I wanna go on the rollercoaster!"_

"_Rock-paper-scissors." She smirked._

_He rolled up his sleeves "Best two out of three."_

_The first round, Shuichi played rock and Ayaka played scissors. He smiled victoriously. The second round Ayaka played paper, but so did Shuichi. Ayaka won the third round with scissors. "Sure you wanna keep going? We can just go ahead and say I win." Shuichi grinned. Ayaka huffed, "Let's do this." They both gulped, acting as if it was life or death. Hiroshi just smiled, rolling his eyes at their antics. The two each took in deep breaths. Shuichi flashed a rock but tried to change it as soon as Ayaka played paper again._

_Ayaka jumped up and down cheering herself on like she'd just won the lottery. _


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER Five: Breaking the Boy

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation.

* * *

"What the hell do you want?" Shuichi glared, throwing his cigarette at his feet.

Yuki raised an eyebrow "Your friend toned it down when he told me how you'd react. …Shuichi, you need to stop your charade and come home."

"Big words from a coward." He spat.

"What you're doing is the exact same thing I did." He said defensively.

Shuichi ignored him "The difference between us, is that you _pretended_ to hate my gusts. And I really do hate you, so much in fact, that's the only word I think of to describe my 'feelings' toward you."

"You don't mean that, you have to be lying." He looked down for a moment then looked back up, staring Shuichi in the eyes, "Look, you want me to tell you the truth, right? I've missed you every day since you left me. …Over three and a half _years_ ago. I miss when you'd ask me repeatedly to go to the amusement park, I miss the way you smile, the way it made me feel… I miss your laugh… and your kiss…" He tried to suck down any emotion that might've shown. To prevent Shuichi from noticing the gaping wounds he was creating with his words "I miss being with you…"

He scowled at him "So what? I tried so hard to keep us together, the more I did, the more you _pushed_. _You_ threw me into harm's way. _You_ made me feel like nothing…you made me this way. Do you honestly think I want to be this way? …To see everything shrouded in blackness?"

"I…" Eiri swallowed hard, trying to gain his resolve. But he couldn't.

"You've ruined every good aspect of my life. I despise the very idea of relationships now; I've tried for years to get rid of that thought, but it's useless. I'm always miserable, I don't know why," he pulled the sleeves up on his shirt, exposing deep scars on his arms. He unbuckled the choker around his neck, yet another angry scar "When I was first admitted, I tried many times to kill myself, even tried hanging and jumping from long heights. I didn't want to live because I thought that I'd never be happy again if I couldn't see you. Then after a while I realized; you were the reason I was there. You were the reason I was miserable."

Eiri's eyes traced the Shuichi's scars "Shu… I'm so sorry," he swallowed his pride and his fears of rejection. Even though Shuichi had made it apparent that it was long over "you know…I love you."

He shook his head "Fuck you. Crawl in a hole and die." He half-heartedly hit him as he walked by him.

Yuki ignored it "Please, Shuichi… I'll beg, if I have to. If it means you won't leave me."

"Don't you fucking get it?" "It's been over," he flipped open a pocketknife, it grazed the blade against Yuki's collarbone "and this is how it ends."

He glanced at the knife, then back at Shuichi "What are you waiting for?" he grabbed the blade "Do it then."

Shuichi yanked back on the knife, drawing blood from Yuki's palm "Like you, I already have one count of third-degree murder hanging over my head."

Stray tears escaped from Yuki's eyes "It's not a good feeling, is it? I tried, Shuichi. I wanted to save you back then… To keep you from knowing what it's like. But you've always been so stubborn." He touched Shuichi's face, transferring blood to him.

He flinched away from Yuki, wiping the blood off his face. "Fuck you…" he shook his head "The hell you did." He turned around and jogged off, leaving Eiri alone and in the cold. Once he was far enough away from him, he ran the rest of the way home. He thought of the look no Eiri's face, the sincere tears that mauled his perfection. He had only cried a few times in the entirety of their relationship. Shuichi's heart began to sink. He didn't mean to cause Eiri so much pain, but he couldn't let himself get hurt again. He slammed his front door behind him and slid down it. "I'm sorry." tears escaped the corners of his eyes. "I can't go through that again, Yuki." Unable to stop the wrenching in his chest, he wrapped his arms around his head and cried. For the first time in years, he felt remorse.

"Nanashi." He balled his fists angrily.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER Six: A New Era of Love

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation

Shuichi reminisces about how he thought he was finally getting the hang of life without Yuki and how he thought things are going pretty well. Also note that since my story is based off the OVA (Not really, just the way they look); Shuichi would technically be six years older than I am, making his year of birth in 1981. The OVA came out in 1999 when I was twelve so technically he'd be twenty-eight.

* * *

_Shuichi, Ayaka, and Hiroshi made it a tradition to go to the amusement park at least once a week, so far they'd kept their tradition for the past two and a half months. Every time Shuichi acted like he'd never been before. Eventually he started writing again, though he scrapped most of the material, deeming it "too dark". Despite that, Bad Luck was still at the top of the charts. And since Shuichi was single again, everyone wanted a piece of him. His mother had actually called him and told him that she couldn't put gas in her car without hearing inappropriate comments about her 'baby'. He knew his mother was worried about him and his sudden change of over exposure. He loved it when Maiko called him, she'd always freak out about something; people at her school were making clubs as somewhat of a shrine to him, and he was all in the tabloids and gossip shows. In Hiroshi's mind everything was finally back to normal. Omit Mister Eiri Yuki, of course._

"_Hey, guys…" Shuichi said, going over a sheet of lyrics. Everyone stared at him in shock, including mister Sakano, who had been flipping out all day about frivolous nonsense._

"_What's up, Shuichi?" Hiroshi patted his head._

_He sighed "Nothin', I just kinda wanted to go home already."_

"_But we're not done yet." Suguru complained instantly "We might've been close to done at this point if mister Sakano had finished his speech a few hours ago." He added extra bitterness to the word speech._

"_I know. I'm sorry, guys, I just feel too pumped today." He slumped his shoulders._

_Hiroshi patter him on the back, "It's okay, Shuichi. You've been working harder than anyone the past few weeks. You can go ahead, we'll make do."_

_Suguru opened his mouth to object right before Hiroshi shot him a glare that seemed to scream 'I'm gonna turn you into toothpaste if you don't shut it.'_

_Hiroshi walked his best friend to the door, "Hey, Hiro," Shuichi looked up at him with puppy dog eyes "I want you to meet someone later today."_

_Hiroshi smiled and rubbed Shuichi's head "Is that what's been bothering you today?"_

_He nodded vigorously._

_He let out a small laugh "Sure, buddy."_

_If Shuichi had a tail, it'd be wagging so hard it would fall off. He was positively beaming._

"_What's his name?"_

_If Shuichi could've shatter like glass, he would have. "What do you mean HE?"_

"_It is what it is, right?" _

_Shuichi pouted cutely, looking to the side "Yeah… His name is Nanashi."_

_Hiroshi nodded and patted Shuichi on the back "I'll see you around three, okay?"_


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER Seven: The Loneliness Sets In

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation.

* * *

Shuichi laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling "Why am I like this?" he took a long drag of his cigarette "I pushed everyone I care about away… I wish I understood what I was doing before I was alone." He exhaled the smoke "I was only for so many years… I don't know why it's bothering me now…" he rolled off the bed onto the floor, on top of all the letters everyone had written him. He pressed his face against the cold floor. "Guess it's a little too late to apologize." He picked up a letter from Eiri. He studied his elegant handwriting, remembering the times he'd sneak into his study before bedtime…

"_Didn't I tell you to stay out of here?" he glared._

"_But I'm going to bed, I wanted to say goodnight." He pouted sweetly._

_Eiri massaged his temples "Whatever, you've already broken my concentration."_

_Shuichi moved Eiri's wastebasket so he could sit on the floor next to him, he jokingly batted his eyelashes "I could break your concentration for real."_

"…_Like you have a chance of pulling me away from my work." He smiled slightly, running his fingers through the boy's soft hair._

_Shuichi nuzzled into his hand as if he were a cat. "Yuki?"_

"_What?" he looked down at him._

_Shuichi stood up "Goodnight." He kissed him gently on the lips "I love you."_

_Yuki just turned back to his work._

Shuichi swallowed hard "I really did think he didn't care about me… He never verbalized it, but now that I think about it, really _think_ about it, he showed it so subtly. After a while he moved the wastebasket so I could sit beside him. He didn't really cook before we started living together, afterwards, he cooked almost every night. He couldn't tell me he loved me, so he showed me." Tears flowed from his eyes "I was the problem… I really am stubborn, Yuki."

He stood up, wiping the tears from his face. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER Eight: Things Always Get Worse Before They Can Get Better

This chapter is set three months after chapter six.

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_Tokyo City Asylum for the Mentally Unstable_

_Classified Information:_

_Name: Shuichi Shindo_

_Date of Birth: 16/04/1981_

_Involuntarily committed by judgment of the Supreme Court. Mister Shindo has committed third-degree murder and the jury deemed insanity as the cause. In court the alleged was living with a romantic partner, whom reportedly "was an alcoholic" and "accused" mister Shindo of cheating on him with an ex. According to mister Shindo the man, mister Nanashi Komiyu, "attacked" him. The police report stated that Mister Shindo hit mister Komiyu in the head with an ashtray and "beat him to death with his own hands"._

_Although mister Shindo shows no signs of psychotic or mentally ill behavior, as a safety precaution will be committed for at least two years until the extensive evaluation is complete. Doctor Kusanagi has been appointed to take charge of mister Shindo's evaluation._

Never thought Shuichi was capable huh? I do, just because even though it's against his perceived nature, all people are capable of almost anything when put in certain situations. It's not that hard to take self-defense again an enraged drunk too far and not even know it.

Shuichi's situation was similar to Eiri's close encounter with mister Kitazawa and his friends. Close, but the difference is that Nanashi was jealous and, even though Shuichi hadn't been talk to him, thought Shuichi was still sleeping with Eiri.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER Nine: Attainment

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Gravitation.

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Shuichi rang the doorbell, no one answered. His car wasn't in the driveway. Shuichi kicked the door. "Huh? Oh…" he pulled his keys out of his pocket. He hadn't thrown any of them away, so it should still be on the key ring. He opened the door. "Yuki?" no one answered. "Fuck, man." He walked into his study, he looked at his vacant chair, then down at the empty spot beside it. He sat down in 'his' spot, as his eyes sifted through out the room "He kept everything the same…Every little detail."

The bedroom was the exact same too; his pillow was still on the right side of the bed, a few pairs of his shoes were still by the closet. He smiled, comparing his old shoes with the ones he had on, the size difference was obvious. He glanced up at Eiri's nightstand, and then looked again; the photo that they'd taken at the amusement park had been framed. Shuichi sat on Eiri's side of the bed and picked it up. He studied the photo, 'I used to look so happy back then." He blushed slightly, thinking about the few times they cuddled after making love. He laid down, recalling the warm fuzzy feeling he used to get just laying so close to him. The heat from Eiri's breathing tantalized his senses, it never mattered how tired he was or what time it was, when Shuichi wanted something, he got it.

_Shuichi leaned close to Eiri and kissed him softly._

"_Go jerk off." Eiri muttered, half sleeping._

"_But I want it…" he took Yuki's hand and showed him._

"_Shuichi, its 3:30 in the morning…No." he rolled over._

_He crawled off the bed to Yuki's side. He pulled down Yuki's pants a little and wrapped his mouth around him. He quickened his pace after about a minute, Yuki groaned. Shuichi loved to please him, and Yuki really enjoyed bjs._

"_Mmm, okay -you win." Yuki grabbed him by the hair and jerked him into a kiss._

Shuichi was jerked from the dream world when he heard the door shut and keys drop on a glass table. He heard Yuki sigh.

"_Yes I'm sure; he said 'I hate you'. I think that pretty much sums it up."_

_Yuki paused for a minute._

"_No…That was probably the nicest thing he said."_

Shuichi frowned, leaning against the wall so Yuki couldn't see him 'Damn… I can't believe I was so mean to him…"

"_Of course I do. I always have." He paused again for a second "-That is not true. I thought he knew… But I fucked up. I fucked _him_ up, too." Another brief pause "No. I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard, you'd understand if you saw the way he looks at me."_

_Yuki's footsteps grew louder, but then stopped at the door "Fine. I'll try to talk to him again. But I'm going to get the exact same reaction."_

Tears formed at the corners of Shuichi's eyes as he took a deep breath. He turned and leapt into the hallway, throwing his arms around Yuki's neck and kissed him passionately.

Yuki stood like a stone, not sure if he was real. He ran his fingers through Shuichi's hair. He was real. Yuki tilted head, gripping the back of the young man's neck to deepen their kiss.

"_Mister Yuki,"_ Hiro's voice was on Eiri's phone, he was still on the line _"are you okay? Helloooo?!?!? Whats going on?!"_

Shuichi pulled away breathlessly, taking Eiri's phone "Mission accomplished."

Eiri smiled, leaning closer to the mouthpiece "We'll call you back in about an hour."

_Click._

Hiroshi grinned, shaking his head at his phone. "Impeccable timing..." he said aloud. He and Ayaka were getting married next month, and it wouldn't be right if the best man didn't go.

Ayaka walked in the room, "What's so funny, Hiro?"

He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her forehead "We've got our friend back."

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Yay, they're back together and Shuichi's not emo anymore! This chapter was hard to write. Especially since I wanted to keep it short, but I think it works.


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